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by kt2785
Summary: Takes place in season 4. Some minor spoilers from 4x01...what I think might happen/hope will happen. Oneshot...please please review!


**A/N: Oneshot...consisting of many flashbacks which will be in _italics_. Sawyer finally comes home after almost 4 years.**

Kate was sleeping soundly. The phone rang and woke her up. She reached over and picked it up. She cleared her throat before speaking.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Ms. Austen?" the person on the other line asked.

"Yeah," she replied sitting up and listening more intently.

"We found it," he replied. "We found Mr. Ford. He's with us right now."

"Can I talk to him?" she asked, beginning to breathe heavier.

"Of course," he answered.

"Freckles?" he said.

"James," she breathed. "A-are you ok?"

"Yeah Freckles," he replied. "I'm fine."

"Is anyone with you?" she asked. "I mean you're the not the only one right?"

"Claire is with me," he responded. "Claire, Aaron, and Juliet...we're the only ones left."

Kate closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm gonna go now though," he replied. "I can't really hear you. I love you."

"I love you too," she squeaked. The tears that were daring to fall since she heard his voice finally made their way down her cheeks. "I'll come pick you up...you can come stay with me."

"We should be there at 10:30 your time tomorrow," he told her.

"Ok," she answered. She hung up the phone and breathed in deep. She put her hands to her face and started sobbing.

"Mommy," a small voice came from in front of her.

"Oh," she sighed. "Come 'ere baby."

She held out her arms and he climbed up onto the bed. She hugged him closely and sighed again.

"Momma's sad?" he asked softly.

"No," she shook her head and sniffled. "I'm very happy...Billy...you know how I sometimes talk about your daddy?"

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Well he's coming home tomorrow," she smiled.

"Yay!" he exclaimed.

"Yay!" she said with a smile and a sniffle. She wiped her cheeks off and kissed the little boy on the top of the head. "I know. It's so exciting. And I'm gonna go get him, but it's going to be very late so I'm gonna call Jessie to come stay with you."

"No!" he yelled. "I come!"

"No baby," she shook her head. "It's gonna be way past your bedtime."

"Daddy!" he exclaimed.

"Well as soon as we get home we'll come wake you up."

"No!" he started crying. Kate knew that this was an arguement that she wasn't going to win. She was going to have to allow him to come.

As she pulled up to the helipad in her car, she looked over at Billy. He was wide awake, which sort of surprised her since it was a 45 minute drive and he almost always fell asleep in the car. Plus it was 2 hours past his bedtime.

"Daddy?" he asked.

"Almost," she smiled. "I'm gonna go get him."

"Me come!" he exclaimed.

"No sweetie," she shook her head. "When daddy get's here I want to talk to him first, and then we'll come right to the car ok?"

She got out of the car. Her heart was pounding. She was standing at the helipad. The helicopter was going to land in 3 minutes the man told her. She looked up and waited. She was trying to hear for it, but she couldn't.

"Ma'am," a male voice said. She turned toward it.

"Yes," she replied.

"Does he belong to you?" he asked, holding Billy in his arms.

"William James!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"Daddy," he frowned. She sighed and took him from the man. She held him on her hip and he put his head on her shoulder.

The helicopter landed and Kate almost felt like she couldn't breathe. She really wanted to explain to Sawyer about Billy before he saw him, but she knew that if she set him down he would wake up. The doors opened. Claire and Juliet got off the helicopter first. Aaron was huge. He was about four. Sawyer was holding him and handed him over to Claire. He saw Kate and sighed softly. He walked toward her and looked at her in awe.

"Hey," she smiled. As he was coming toward her, she had a small inkling that he was going to kiss her. She set Billy down on the ground. Sawyer wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. He moved to her mouth and Kate let out a sigh of relief. Almost 4 years since she had kissed him. Or felt his arms around her.

"No!" Billy exclaimed, trying to pry the two apart with his hands.

"Good to see you again Freckles," he whispered.

"James," she closed her eyes. "I missed you so much."

"Momma!" Billy exclaimed. "Uppy!"

Kate seemed to not even notice that Billy was still there. She continued to look at Sawyer in awe. She was afraid that when she woke up it would all be a dream and he wouldn't be standing right in front of her.

"Hey Freckles," Sawyer whispered. "You're being summoned."

Finally she noticed that Billy was patting her on the leg and repeating 'mommy' over and over. She bent down and picked him up.

"Is this him?" Sawyer asked softly. Kate smiled and nodded.

_Kate was sitting on Sawyer's not so comfy couch, in the others village. She was staring at him. They were still talking, but there was a heaviness in the air. Sawyer came in the house and walked over to her quickly._

_"Go," he said. "Get the hell out of here."_

_"What are you doing?" she asked as he grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the door._

_"You're going," he told her._

_"Excuse me?" she asked. "You don't get to tell me what to do Sawyer. What the hell are you saying?"_

_"You're leaving," he repeated. "You have to."_

_"Why?" she questioned._

_"Because," he started his voice getting softer and more mumbling as he talked. "Ben told me...he told me that you're pregnant."_

_"When?" she asked._

_"When we were with Locke. He told me," Sawyer continued to mumble. "He got punched in the face for it, but over the last 3 days I've realized that it must be true. And then this morning when we were laying in bed you got up and went to throw up."_

_"No I didn't," she lied._

_"Kate," he said seriously. "Just go. Live."_

_Kate wrapped her arms around him. She knew that she would have to leave. She didn't want to leave, but she didn't want to die either._

_"Come with me," she half sobbed._

_"I'm needed here Freckles," he whispered. "There's nothing left for me anywhere. Maybe if I stayed I'd have a purpose."_

_"You do have a purpose," she said still trying to hold back her sobs. She took his hand and put it on her stomach. He looked at her sadly and kissed her._

_"Go," he said turning away from her. "They're leaving in 5 minutes. She left the house without wanting to. She must have looked back 10 times. She really wished that she had told him she loved him. But when she came back for him and saved him it would mean that much more._

"Billy," she whispered finally tearing her glance from Sawyer. "This is your daddy. James this is Billy."

"I have your middle name," Billy said quietly. He looked at Sawyer and then back at Kate.

"No," Kate chuckled. "Your middle name is his first name."

"C-can," Sawyer started. "Can I hold him?"

"Yeah," she said. She chuckled, but there were tears re-forming in her eyes. She handed him the little boy and watched Sawyer as he looked at the child in his arms in awe.

"You're heavy," he told him.

"Mommy says," Billy nodded.

"Do you wanna come back...to our house?" Kate was hesitating. Not because she didn't want Sawyer to come over...she did...more than anything, but she was also scared of what Sawyer's answer would be.

"Yeah," Sawyer replied. They walked back to the car. Kate was walking next to him, but started inching closer to him. He was still carrying Billy. She put her arm around Sawyer's waist.

On the car ride home, Kate drove, but held Sawyer's hand the entire time. They got to the house and Kate carried Billy up to his room. She put him down in his bed and covered him with the covers. Kate walked back into the hallway and saw Sawyer waiting for her. She smiled at him and closed Billy's door. She looked at him and he smiled, showing her his deep dimples. She took one deep breath and jumped into Sawyer's arms. He kissed her and carried her into the bedroom he assumed was hers.

"Sawyer," she whispered. "This is Jessie's room."

"Who's Jessie?" he asked putting her down and looking at her.

"The nanny," she answered.

"You rich?" he asked. She lead him into her bedroom and continued to smile and chuckle. "How do you have all this money?"

"My mom didn't want the house insurance that I took out on Wayne's house when I blew him up," she replied. "And considering I had no money...I really wasn't in the position of turning it down. $500,000. And-Sawyer...I'm gonna tell you something, but you have to promise you won't get mad and you have to promise that you won't tell anyone."

"What?" he asked.

_Kate and everyone else were on the helicopter. She really wanted Sawyer to come out of his house to say goodbye, but she knew he wouldn't. She was tapping her foot. It didn't seem like very long before they were landing again. They landed in civilization. Kate wasn't excited to get out of the helicopter. For some reason there were no reporters or anything. This partly made everyone suspicious, but then they came. As they sat in the helicopter more and more people came. Kate didn't think that they were ever going to stop._

_"Alright," the pilot whispered. "We're going to get off this helicopter and say we were the only survivors."_

_"What?" Kate and Jack both asked simultaneously._

_"What the hell do you mean?" Kate asked. "We have to tell them that there are still people there so that they can get rescued."_

_"No," he answered. "Do you understand that if we tell them that we left people there it won't be good for anyone. We'll be blamed. Everyone is going to think that we're horrible people for leaving them there."_

_"I don't care," Kate argued. "I'm going to tell everyone I can. I have to go back! I have to get back there!"_

_"Kate, what the hell are you saying?" Jack asked._

_"Sawyer!" she said this time tears running down her cheeks. "I just left him there!"_

_"Didn't you say that he made you?" Jack asked quietly._

_"Yes," she sniffled. "But he-"_

_"We're going to give you money Ms. Austen," the pilot continued. "We're going to give each of you 1 million dollars for your silence."_

_"I don't need any money," Hurley said._

_"All your money is gone Mr. Reyes," he told him. "You all need the money."_

_"I don't care about the money!" Kate screamed. "I'm not staying quiet for money. You can't just buy me off!"_

_"Yes I can," he answered. "Listen to me. $1,000,000 upfront...tax free. Then $10,000 a year for each year of your silence."_

_"And what if we tell?" Kate asked._

_"You'll have to give the money back. Oh and Ms. Austen," he began again. "You're going to have a pardon for prison. If you tell the pardon will not be valid and you will go to jail. Do you really want your baby growing up without you?"_

_"This isn't fair," Kate shook her head and sniffled._

_"You will never see your child again," he continued. "And we will make sure that your child is put into a good home, but he will probably be transferred from foster home to foster home. And your friends will not be able to step in and take care of him."_

_"Him?" Kate asked. "How would you know that it's a him."_

_"I don't," he chuckled. "I'm just saying. So what's it gonna be?"_

_Kate put her hands to her face and began to sob. Jack put a hand on her shoulder and she shrugged him off. Everyone else signed the contract. It came to Kate last. She took it and signed it without looking._

"Oh Freckles," Sawyer whispered.

"So I had to take the deal," she sniffled. "I'm so sorry."

"Of course you had to take the deal," he answered wrapping his arms around her. "But then how did you find me? If you were supposed-"

"I found-" she sighed. "I thought about what Hurley said...how he said listen to Charlie. I found Penny. She helped me. She knew that Desmond wasn't going to live...but she wanted me to find you again."

"I've got a question for you," he mumbled. "And it's not because I want to fight, or because I don't trust you...it's because I just need to know."

"Ok," she breathed.

"Did you ever-were you ever-" he stuttered. "Were you with Jack?"

"What does-" she started. "Ok...I know. You just need to know right? I mean I'd probably want to know too."

"Are you gonna answer the question Freckles, or are you just gonna talk around it like when I asked you if you loved me?" he asked.

"First of all what the hell are you talking about?"

"When I asked you in the cages if you loved me," he started. "You didn't answer me...you kissed me...but you didn't answer me."

"That kiss said yes Sawyer," she whispered. "I mean I know this is no excuse, and you're right...I should have actually given you an answer, but it was just so screwed up. I was scared."

"I was petrified Freckles," he replied. "I still managed to tell you."

Kate could tell that he was getting a little upset with her, but she was also ok with it because he was still calling her Freckles. That was all that mattered. And he definitely loved her and she loved him. So she would give him the answer that he deserved.

"Yes...I was with him," she sighed and nodded. "But-it didn't...Sawyer he didn't even compare to you."

"Who are you trying to fool Kate?" he asked.

"Nobody," she shook her head. "Jack wasn't the right person for me. Jack never loved me like you did. He was always-he just didn't love me like you did."

"Well," he sighed. "I guess I can't really blame you. I didn't really expect you to wait for me. In fact...for all you knew, I could have been dead."

"That's what I was the most scared of," she sighed. "And I have something else to tell you. When I went with Jack. I wasn't choosing him over you."

"Really?" he half scoffed.

"No," she answered quickly. "It had nothing to do with choosing him over you. I was choosing him over Locke. And you didn't ask me to go with you."

_"Same thing I've always done Kate, survivin'," he whispered._

_When Kate heard his words, the one word that cut into her the deepest was Kate. Even though he had said it quietly and because it wasn't really the time for nicknames...Freckles was the word she needed to hear the most. She wanted to go after him. She wanted to hold him in the rain. She wanted to kiss in the rain. She wanted him to come back and whisk her away to some secluded area in the jungle where no one could see them...or maybe they would. She watched him leave, but knew that she had to stay with Jack. She couldn't betray him now._

"If I had what would you have done?" he asked.

"I really don't know," she shook her head. "Honestly...it probably would have depended on what you said."

"Ok...explain."

"Alright," she chuckled. "If you had said 'Freckles, I love you...now come with me...live together, die alone'. I would have gone with you."

"Well I never would have said that," he answered with a smile.

"I know," she smiled back. "But if you had said 'come with me'. And then not give me a reason I probably would have stayed with Jack. But only if I didn't give you an answer.

"What about the fact that Charlie's last words were that they weren't the right people?" he asked.

"But they still saved us," she answered.

"I think the moment I saw you again was the best and worst part of my life," he stated.

_Kate was in the jungle. She had chosen Jack, but she had to go back for Sawyer. She had to make him come with them. _

_She hesitated before walking up to the houses. She had bumped into Locke, who seemed not very happy to see her. When she explained that she just wanted to see Sawyer, he reluctantly showed her which house he was staying in. She was partly afraid that Sawyer wouldn't want to see her. She didn't know what gave her that uneasy feeling, but she knocked on the door and he answered it wearing nothing but a towel. She tried to keep her grin safely inside her mind, but her lips didn't listen and she gave him a small smile._

_"What do you want Kate?" he asked._

_"I want you to stop calling me Kate," she whispered._

_"What are you doing here?" he questioned, she could hear the anger in his voice. She wasn't sure if he was mad at her, or just mad at the situation._

_"I'm here to see if you're ok," she answered. "I just-I was worried. The helicopter is only taking 6 of us."_

_"Well I'm not going," he practically snapped at her._

_"Neither am I," she shook her head. "That's another reason I'm here. I've been so blind to everything that has happened between you, me and Jack, and I feel like we're teenagers in some unending stupid love triangle. And I was never good at geography."_

_"What the hell are you talking about?" he sighed shaking his head._

_"I'm making the damn triangle into a line...well an arrow," she answered. "An arrow pointing straight at you."_

_Sawyer could hardly believe his ears. He was going to argue with her, but his heart and brain both told him to kiss her like she's never been kissed before...and he did. He kissed her softly and slowly. She opened her mouth, he thought to protest at first, but then realized she was only trying to deepen the kiss. He brought her into his small bedroom which consisted of a twin bed. As they made love neither of them had ever felt this way with each other. It wasn't about fear, or living vs. dying, or jealousy. It was true love making along with a huge heaping lump of passion._

"It was the best and worst moment of my life too," she sighed. "And I hated that you made me leave the next day. I mean I loved you for saving me, but I hated you that I was never going to see you again. But I guess it's a good thing, because I'd be dead."

"So how is Billy?" he asked, clearly changing the subject. "Is he ok?"

"Yes," she chuckled. "He's perfect. Ok...well maybe not perfect, but with parents like us..."

"I'm glad that you got off the island," he whispered. "I'm glad you had the baby."

"I'm really really glad," she told him. "Billy is the best thing that could have happened to me. He's the reason I got my life together."

"I have one last question," he said quietly.

"Go ahead," she smiled, but was wondering what it could be this time.

"Can we just stop talking?" he asked. "I mean it's nice to talk to you again and hear your voice...but all I've wanted to do since I've seen you is kiss."

She leaned forward and kissed him. He kissed her back and then rolled on top of her.

"I'm glad you're back," she whispered. "I'm so glad I found you. I love you."

"I'm glad I'm back too Freckles," he stated. "It's good to be here with you again. I love you too."

Kate snuggled against him and they made love for the first time in almost 4 years.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. I know it was somewhat cheesy, and some of the stuff neither of them would ever say...it's more just wishful hoping on my part :)...I've been going back and forth trying to figure out how to write this. The season premiere was absolutely amazing. I'm so excited for each week...I'm not gonna be able to handle it! hehe.**


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